Do
you put yourself off to fix someone else' s problems? Are you
overwhelmed because your problems have added up because you been fixing
everyone else' s problem? Are you doing too many favors for friends that
never return the favor?
How to Get a Life
Ask
yourself do you really want to get a life? If the answer is yes you
better really mean it because you’re really going to make some people
angry.
If you really want to change your life first you must know the root of the problem. Lets take a quick look around who is happy and who is not? Obviously you're not the happy one! You're the one carrying all the weight.
Let me explain something to you. There is nothing wrong with giving. As a matter of fact giving is quite rewarding for the giver. If you give because you're expected to give this becomes a negative issue with your inner-person.
For example: Your buddy comes over often looking for a ride. You have taken him where ever he wanted to go several times. He never offers you gas money and he is never around when you need an extra hand.
Let's examine this example. Let's say your buddy comes over and you already know what he is about to ask from you. That is can you give me a ride somewhere? You are tired and you really don't want to go anywhere. Your problem is you can't say no.
The problem with saying no is fear of making someone angry so you meet their expectations. Meeting others expectations after a while leaves you emotionally drained and powerless.
You need to take back your power and say "no" and mean it. In the example your buddy is not your friend at all he is just using you. Don't be afraid to lose a buddy like the example. He is not an asset to you.
He is a burden that you can easily get rid of simply by saying "no"you will either lose his friendship or he will respect you. Either way by saying no you will feel in control which is an awesome feeling.
If you really want to change your life first you must know the root of the problem. Lets take a quick look around who is happy and who is not? Obviously you're not the happy one! You're the one carrying all the weight.
Let me explain something to you. There is nothing wrong with giving. As a matter of fact giving is quite rewarding for the giver. If you give because you're expected to give this becomes a negative issue with your inner-person.
For example: Your buddy comes over often looking for a ride. You have taken him where ever he wanted to go several times. He never offers you gas money and he is never around when you need an extra hand.
Let's examine this example. Let's say your buddy comes over and you already know what he is about to ask from you. That is can you give me a ride somewhere? You are tired and you really don't want to go anywhere. Your problem is you can't say no.
The problem with saying no is fear of making someone angry so you meet their expectations. Meeting others expectations after a while leaves you emotionally drained and powerless.
You need to take back your power and say "no" and mean it. In the example your buddy is not your friend at all he is just using you. Don't be afraid to lose a buddy like the example. He is not an asset to you.
He is a burden that you can easily get rid of simply by saying "no"you will either lose his friendship or he will respect you. Either way by saying no you will feel in control which is an awesome feeling.
How to Say No to Family
The easiest way to set your boundaries with your family is to call a family meeting with everyone who live under your roof.
No excuses! Everyone must be there to hear what you have to say. After all you were there to listen to them and fulfill their expectations its time you make a few demands of your owner.
The purpose of a family meeting is to avoid making one person feel at fault and everybody involved needs to do their part to take the burden off of you.
This is important because if you continue to carry all the burdens you will eventually have some serious health problems or death.
Think about it what would your family do without you? What would your family do if you could no longer work to pay for their selfish spending?
Point out family issues like over spending. Doing their part in keeping the house clean and in order.
Point out how you really feel without directing your feelings toward anyone person. Also point out that you're serious. Be direct and show authority. Don't allow any input. Have the attitude you are in control don't back down.
Your kids are going to ask you for money to go skating or something. If they didn't do their chores that week say no. Tell them they can go next week providing they make their choice in a timely manner without argument.
If your children are ignoring your request to help out. Point out to them they didn't help out so you're not going to help out either. Never back down once you have. You have lost the battle. Once your kids realize you were serious you will just see just how happy they are to help you but this may take a few weeks but you can handle it just don't give in to them.
Handling Your Spouse
Your spouse will more than likely get angry with you because your taking authority. This is to be expected and probably the hardest person to set boundaries and say no to. Your spouse is the one that has to help you enforce the rules with the children.
Both you and your spouse need to come to an understanding. Deal with the issues that are at hand. Maybe there are spending issues that need to be addressed.
Husbands Example: your wife love to shop and she has a job. Wives with jobs will be tougher to deal with money issues because they contribute to the house and kids. You can come to a compromise.
Example: lets say your wife wants to buy a purse but she has thirty purses in the closet. Before she leaves to go shopping ask your wife. What's wrong with the purses you already own?
Your wife I am sure will be able to justify getting another purse. This is what I mean about compromising with your wife.
Suggest to her to take back a few purses and use the money to purchase the purse she wants. She might go along with that or she might not like that idea at all.
Just explain to her you want to get out of debt and you want to do something special for her. Put the guilt on her. If your wife is causing you a lot of stress financially this is a step that can work for both of you. She will get her purse and you will save money.
Wives
Let's say your husband is a lot of the cause of your stress. Example: He's not helping with the children. He is not helping around the house. Whether you work or not everyone that lives in the home should be doing their part. Having and maintaining a home is a full-time job and taking care of your children.
Just like any other job you need a break. Does your husband come home and put his feet up and expect you to wait on him and cook his dinner?
Does your husband make you feel like his own personal slave? Does the house work get overwhelming and the kids? Does your husband say things like what do you do you don't work?
Your husband thinks since he works he doesn't have to help you around the house. Well you will have to show him just how much you do.
The first thing you should do is sit your husband down and tell him what you're feeling. If he just blows you off or outright says that you don't do anything. Why not show him just how much you make?
You have to say no to his demands. This will start an argument no doubt. You have to stand up for yourself. His day is over when he comes home. Your day never ends. You do work and you work hard and you need to be respected for your hard work and feel appreciated.
The way you get that respect is up to you. I can only make suggestions. If he says he pays the bills. You say not anymore I am paying the bills and your going to get the kids ready for bed and pack their lunch.
If he turns around and says that he meant paying the bills by working. Say you will go out and get a job. If he laughs at you and says. How do you think you're going to get a job?
Obviously in some cases you wouldn't be able to get a job with small children but you could make your husband eat his words by staying with friends or family for a week or two.
Let him suffer let him see what you do for him and your children. He will find out real quick like that his job is a lot easier than yours.
No excuses! Everyone must be there to hear what you have to say. After all you were there to listen to them and fulfill their expectations its time you make a few demands of your owner.
The purpose of a family meeting is to avoid making one person feel at fault and everybody involved needs to do their part to take the burden off of you.
This is important because if you continue to carry all the burdens you will eventually have some serious health problems or death.
Think about it what would your family do without you? What would your family do if you could no longer work to pay for their selfish spending?
Point out family issues like over spending. Doing their part in keeping the house clean and in order.
Point out how you really feel without directing your feelings toward anyone person. Also point out that you're serious. Be direct and show authority. Don't allow any input. Have the attitude you are in control don't back down.
Your kids are going to ask you for money to go skating or something. If they didn't do their chores that week say no. Tell them they can go next week providing they make their choice in a timely manner without argument.
If your children are ignoring your request to help out. Point out to them they didn't help out so you're not going to help out either. Never back down once you have. You have lost the battle. Once your kids realize you were serious you will just see just how happy they are to help you but this may take a few weeks but you can handle it just don't give in to them.
Handling Your Spouse
Your spouse will more than likely get angry with you because your taking authority. This is to be expected and probably the hardest person to set boundaries and say no to. Your spouse is the one that has to help you enforce the rules with the children.
Both you and your spouse need to come to an understanding. Deal with the issues that are at hand. Maybe there are spending issues that need to be addressed.
Husbands Example: your wife love to shop and she has a job. Wives with jobs will be tougher to deal with money issues because they contribute to the house and kids. You can come to a compromise.
Example: lets say your wife wants to buy a purse but she has thirty purses in the closet. Before she leaves to go shopping ask your wife. What's wrong with the purses you already own?
Your wife I am sure will be able to justify getting another purse. This is what I mean about compromising with your wife.
Suggest to her to take back a few purses and use the money to purchase the purse she wants. She might go along with that or she might not like that idea at all.
Just explain to her you want to get out of debt and you want to do something special for her. Put the guilt on her. If your wife is causing you a lot of stress financially this is a step that can work for both of you. She will get her purse and you will save money.
Wives
Let's say your husband is a lot of the cause of your stress. Example: He's not helping with the children. He is not helping around the house. Whether you work or not everyone that lives in the home should be doing their part. Having and maintaining a home is a full-time job and taking care of your children.
Just like any other job you need a break. Does your husband come home and put his feet up and expect you to wait on him and cook his dinner?
Does your husband make you feel like his own personal slave? Does the house work get overwhelming and the kids? Does your husband say things like what do you do you don't work?
Your husband thinks since he works he doesn't have to help you around the house. Well you will have to show him just how much you do.
The first thing you should do is sit your husband down and tell him what you're feeling. If he just blows you off or outright says that you don't do anything. Why not show him just how much you make?
You have to say no to his demands. This will start an argument no doubt. You have to stand up for yourself. His day is over when he comes home. Your day never ends. You do work and you work hard and you need to be respected for your hard work and feel appreciated.
The way you get that respect is up to you. I can only make suggestions. If he says he pays the bills. You say not anymore I am paying the bills and your going to get the kids ready for bed and pack their lunch.
If he turns around and says that he meant paying the bills by working. Say you will go out and get a job. If he laughs at you and says. How do you think you're going to get a job?
Obviously in some cases you wouldn't be able to get a job with small children but you could make your husband eat his words by staying with friends or family for a week or two.
Let him suffer let him see what you do for him and your children. He will find out real quick like that his job is a lot easier than yours.
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Do you have difficulty saying “no”? Are you always trying to be nice to others at the expense of yourself?
Importance of Being Firm Without Being Rude
Humans are emotional creatures, and this emotion often gets them into trouble. When you are dealing with people on a personal level, and especially a business level, it is always critical to keep your emotions in check.
