How to Get Over a Break Up

If you are living life, you are going to experience heartbreak. Sometimes you are going to do the one breaking up.  Sometimes your partner will breaks up with you.  Either way it is heartbreaking!

Step 1 Come out of denial! Own your own feelings.  Feel the anger and betrayal.  You earned it!  After all, you did everything in your power to keep the relationship.  Even if the relationship was less then perfect even if the relationship was abusive!  At some point, there were good times.

Step 2 Remember it was not totally your fault - or maybe it is not your fault at all. Thinking about the reasons why it ended. Do not change your decision'''. If the breakup was your decision, try not to second-guess the situation if the decision to end things was not yours.  It is very common to convince yourself that maybe the bad parts were not so bad after all.

Step 3 Accept the situation moving forward only.  This seriously means not seeing each other at all.  Acceptance is the key to being able to move on.
Think things out but not obsessively understand that you enjoyed being together for a while, it would have ended eventually, no matter what.  In this case, better sooner than later.

Step 4 Deal with the hate phase this anger you feel depends on how antagonistic the ''split'' was, the circumstances (was there infidelity? That makes it worse), and how long it took to final breakup. You want people around you who love you and who will help you feel better about yourself.  Surrounding yourself with compassionate, supportive friends and family will help you see yourself as a worthy person. 

Step 5 Write all your feelings down.  Most of all, be absolutely honest with yourself.  You be amazed with the insight that comes to you as you pour it out onto paper. Patterns may become clearer, and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to write your way through it. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself from having gone through it. Make a list to keep you honest. Of all the reasons, your ex was not the one for you. Be ruthless and clear. What you are doing is creating a picture for yourself that will call up an emotional response when you feel tempted to think that "maybe if you just did this or that.

Step 6 Get yourself organized! A breakup can signify a new beginning. Therefore, cleaning and organizing your personal space will leave you feeling refreshed and prepared for the new things to come. A mess can be overwhelming and depressing.

Step 7 Once the grieving process has time allow yourself to dwell on painful feelings or memories. There are probably things that are pushing your buttons. Try walking around each room in your house with a box and removing things that make your heart ache. It can work wonders to clear your space of all these triggers.  If you have a keepsake, which was given to you by your ex, and it is a reminder of the good aspects of your relationship, there is nothing wrong with keeping it for the time being, put it away for later.

Step 8 Find happiness in other areas of your life. (Remember: He/She is not responsible for your happiness.)  Whether, that means spending time with your friends.  Go out and do the thing that you enjoy.  Relationship is one part of life, but even when you are in one, there are personal pleasures that you can always enjoy on your own. Indulge in those things now.

Step 9 Stay active improves your mood and alleviates depression, and the distraction will help keep your mind off your situation.

Step 10 Try to let go holding on to heartache, regret, and hatred toward the relationship. Realize that although it is over, your relationship with that person was unique and special.

Step 11 Think positive now that you are single, you have another opportunity to find someone new and different. You will not feel bad forever. Change your thinking; that will help change your behavior. Soon enough you will be feeling released and free, and ready to take on new challenges. Make sure that in every endeavor you remember to be true to yourself. (Be yourself) If the break up was somewhat triggered by you, remember, you are your own person and nobody can change that.


Walk out of relationship, knowing that you done all that you can do.

Remember that your ex may be trying to get over you, as well. Be sensitive to that, and keep your distance. If you have decided to stop seeing one another, do just that:

When you go through a emotionally challenging time in your life, you're actually getting closer to finding real happiness because you are getting to know your true inner self.

As simple as this sounds, be clear to yourself that you are actually breaking up.

Ask yourself if your ex left you: Would you ever trust him/her not to break your heart again?  

Freedom from fear is what you get when you end a relationship with a cheater. Sometimes the most liberating phase of a post-betrayal breakup is the sudden realization that you are no longer sitting at home waiting for a phone call, spending the evening obsessively searching for evidence of an affair, or just imagining what might be going on behind your back - you're done with it.

Keep your dignity our own ego sometimes causes the pain; we feel rejected and deceived, embarrassed. We doubt our self worth and adequacy.  A breakup, especially one in which your partner has cheated on you, can really undermine your self-confidence and shake your self-esteem to the core.  Help rebuild your inner stability by impressing yourself with accomplishments.

Remember it takes time to heal, like a broken arm - there is no magical, instant cure or relief.  You will not die from it, though you may feel like you will for a time.   ''Endure.''  Eventually you will feel better, the pain will lessen, and you will be able to love again.

If you find yourself compulsively checking your ex's MySpace, Facebook, or any other social networking profile, help yourself out and use the Firefox extension, block site, which allows you to block the URL to that profile. Sometimes it also helps to take them off your 'Friends' list, or 'de-friend' them, at least for a while. Even if things ended on a clean slate, it can be too painful to see what the other person is doing.

Your partner has a right to choose to be or not to be with you. Respect there decision!  If your partner digs at you again, do behave with dignity.  Taking the high road may be hard now, but you will be glad later that you did not stoop to the gutter, even though you could have.

Every day, find something that will make you Smile even at the worst times You are free to be whoever you want to be. "You've got to get up every morning with a smile on your face and show the world all the love in your heart. Then people will treat you better.

The most difficult part of coping with an ended relationship is missing all the good things. Your lover did not plant those feelings inside you, but you developed them yourself. They are still there inside you and nobody can take that from you. You are able to feel them whenever the occasion arises, and it will arise again in the future.

After several weeks or so, you may start to feel better about your previous break up. This does not mean you should jump into another relationship right away.  Take your time. You have all the time in the world to feel better, and just because you meet a nice guy/girl do not mean you should go ahead with it. Your emotions may still be unstable and the first person you meet may get undeserved love.

*Things You’ll Need

*A Shoulder to Cry On.

*A Journal.  

*Lots of tissues.

* Self-Love.

*Friends and family

With that all said in done!  Now join eHarmony!


  1. Thinking about the reasons why it ended and you think you have done your part as a partner, never feel guilty about the break up. If there's something wrong then it has to be your better half who has the problem.

    how to get over a break up

  2. Stacey
    Thanks for commenting. I checked out your website I was impressed. You really are an expert!

    I love it that people who come to your site can ask a question and get answers to help them get over there relationship.

    I will also link your website to another article that I have on relationships because I think you can really help people get over their relationships.

    Thanks for the Feedback

  3. Nice article on dealing with breakups. I'm a new follower and found you on RedGage :-)

  4. I stopped using redgage because of the glitches and the site pages took forever to load. Drove me nuts!

    Thanks for following! I will return the favor!


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